I wanted to find three words to
describe the qualities of my mum.
The first is Stubborn. Not in any
negative sense of course – but mum was stubborn in defence of her own
interests, and those of her family.
Perhaps one of the three defining
moments in mum’s life took place in the autumn of 1958, when she fell pregnant
with me. Being a young, single woman expecting a baby in Ireland in the 1950s
was not a comfortable position to be in. But she was stubborn in not wanting to
marry my biological father. And she was stubborn in not wanting to give me up.
So she put herself, and the rest of the Kinsella family it has to be said,
through a fair bit of heartache leaving for Manchester, having me, resisting
the British social services – every bit as bad as the Irish it seems – and
persuading my grandparents to look after me while she began to build a life in
Manchester. Looking back on it now, over 50 years ago, it took great courage,
determination, and yes I’ll say it again, stubbornness, to remain true to
herself and do what was best for me. I will always be grateful to her for that.
I saw that stubbornness over and over again as I grew up, my mum fighting for
me against a system in Britain in the 60s and 70s which seemed designed to put
obstacles in the way of a working class kid, raised of Irish catholic parents,
trying to grow up in northern England.
The second word could be love –
but I wanted to use a deeper, more meaningful word to describe her relationship
with my dad. Faithfulness comes closer perhaps, or constancy. Perhaps Steadfast captures it best, because without doubt the second defining
moment in mum’s life was meeting Jim, in Manchester, back in the early 60s.
What a lucky man Jim was, meeting such a wonderful woman – and what a lucky
woman my mum was, meeting such a man as Jim Riley. I was doubly blessed to have
such a powerful, courageous woman as my mother, and for her to have met such a
warm, loving, selfless man as my dad, who treated me as his son from the moment
he met me, and never wavered in his love for me or mum. The third defining
moment in mum’s life was Jim’s own death, back in 1996, and that steadfastness
remained with her long after his passing. There would never be another man in
mum’s life – because Jim was the man she’d decided to share her life with.
The third word is sociable. My
mum was quite the extravert in her day. She loved making friends – even to the
end. I’d sit with her at Cubbington Mill, where she spent her final months, and
whenever one of the staff members walked past, mum would chip in with a
greeting and turn to me, to say, sotto voce, “she’s my friend you know”. She
loved the fact her picture was in the paper recently, and one of the greatest sadness’s
of her last year with us was that she wasn’t able to get out and see her
friends in the way she used to do. I think this joy of life is a Kinsella trait
– certainly many members of mum’s family are larger than life characters – and
I guess you had to be pretty confident in yourself as one of six kids to get anywhere in No 6
Vincent Street in Dublin back in the 40s and 50s.
What would mum say now – how
would she want her life to be remembered. Well, she’d want to say thanks to her
mum and dad, Daisy and Peter, for everything they did for her. She’d want to
send her love to her brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews, especially Yvonne, who
I know she came to view as the daughter she never had. She’d say thanks to all
her friends, old and new, for making her life so happy. She’d want to tell me
off for using so many tissues writing this eulogy, and finally she’d want to
say a special thank you to Jean, for raising three grandchildren who were the
light of her life.
Alex, Jess, Matt – she loved you
more than words can say, and I know you loved her too.
If you three can be stubborn as
she was in the defence of those important people in your life, as steadfast as she was in
your love for your family, and as sociable as she was in remaining friends with
all those who cross your path during your time on earth, Grandma will have passed on to you three
of the greatest qualities life can give us. Thanks mum.
So sad that Auntie Marie has gone, but what a woman and what a legacy. At least she and her beloved Jim are together again.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to catching up with you on Friday, Love & hugs, Catherine Vince & Nathan xxx
Echoing what Catherine says; and Jim Riley is too still loved and missed so very much. Lots of love. Xxx
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